Just some personal rantings of a complete retard.


I Found My Marbles

Eyes are pretty little things.
I don't believe in that whole "the eyes are the window to someone's soul" mumbo-jumbo. But they sure as hell are beautiful. Have you ever gazed into someone's eyes from up close for longer than just a couple of minutes? Have you ever REALLY looked at someone's irisses?

Just a couple of minutes ago I was looking into my boyfriend's eyes. And his iris reminded me of the marbles I used to have when I was a little kid. Not the regular marbles you used to trade or play with. I'm talking about either the marbles your mom bought for you, the ones you found (or stole) or the ones you won after a long battle against that very worthy opponent. The ones you would NEVER trade, lose or play with. The ones you'd cherish and keep in the special pouch. The ones you would hold up to the sun and hold it SO close to your eye that the entire world before you was covered in its prettiness and glossy shine. The ones that you kept to yourself as if harbouring a well kept secret. The ones only your BESTEST friends were allowed to see. See, but not touch.

Also, a while back I was looking into his eyes as well and I noticed that if you look REALLY closely and the light is JUST right, you can actually look INTO the eye. You see the layers unfold before you and, just as with clouds, you start to see shapes. Sebastian's (that's my boyfriend's name) eye suddenly looked like a forest seen through a fisheye lens. I could see the trees and the shadows they cast on the ground. He looked at me funny when I started mumbling stuff about forests and trees while looking at him, but needless to say, I was intrigued. And he noticed that too tho he didn't quite understand. I think...

There are quite a lot of mind-blowing gorgeous things in this world, but I think eyes take the cake. Eyes and the sky. But that's a whole different story.


Righteous, Dude...

Isn't it funny how you can justify gossiping by calling it "analyzing personal relations between people around you"?
You share your thoughts on the people around you with someone else and as long as you have some nifty explanation of why it isn't gossiping, you're in the clear. You soothe your conscience with the thought that you weren't doing anything wrong.

Now don't go thinking I bad-talk about my friends behind their back. Oh noes. First off: I believe in karma and secondly: I wouldn't want them to do that with me either. If I have a problem with someone, I tell it to that person's face and I expect they do the same.
But you see, I have very sweet friends who trust me and tell me about stuff that is bothering them. I'm very good at keeping secrets. That is, I tell -most- stuff (mind you, not all) to my boyfriend and then the secret stays there. This usually happens the night of the day I talked to that person or during dinner. At those times me and my boyfriend share our thoughts. This can vary from the meaning of life, the universe and everything (the answer to that is 42) to your basic small-talk. Somewhere in between lies "discussing friends".

There, we talk about the stuff we heard from or about our friends and start wondering why they said, did or wanted to do certain things. We share our thoughts on that and even tho we do not always agree, we always act as if we know how to solve everything. But don't we all?
We can have these discussions with a clear concience because our friends know that my boyfriend and I share our thoughts. They also know that neither of us will ever tell someone else or, like I said before, bad-talk them. I do disagree with certain actions my friends take but that is why me and my boyfriend talk about stuff like this. Because we even each other out. Whenever I have my doubts about certain stuff he can always justify why that person did the thing he or she did. This, ofcourse. also goes the other way around. I'm pretty certain that both of us are able to imagine what it's like to be in that person's shoes. And thus we always end up loving our friends even more for their quirkyness.

But still... Isn't it gossiping? Since gossiping isn't always bad-talking, is it? Or were we really analyzing personal relations between people around us? The line between the two seems so thin, there might as well be no difference. I think it all depends on how you label it yourself. If you think to yourself "I'm gossiping now" there will be an entire different atmosphere during the conversation. But if you see it as a healthy discussion, it's much easier to blurt out all your thoughts.

Enough with the ranting.
I guess that if you took your time to read through all this you might be wondering who I am. Or you already know me, that too might be the case. Either way, I made this weblog for my personal amusement and I might as well also amuse other people in the process.
Now, as for the title, don't take it too seriously. This weblog isn't a desperate cry for a mate, or a place where I whore myself. The term "Backdoor Beauty" is taken from the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" If you haven't seen it, go rent/buy/borrow it now. It's the closest you will get to a trip in a legal way.
Now I'm terribly sorry that I don't have one of those raunchy webcamshots for you to see, but I kindof value a higher quality photo. Therefore I present you: me.

I hope this rant was well worth your time. Please come again.